Blog: What Drives Secretive Behaviour?

Steve Hill lay in bed with his eyes closed, listening to his wife’s breathing.

When it slowed, he opened his eyes to steal a glance at her.

She had drifted off with her open book still resting on her stomach.

The book slowly slid to her side.

Steve slid out of bed himself, careful not to let it creak.

He tiptoed out of the bedroom door, phone in hand, and made his way downstairs.

Standing in the dark kitchen, he opened up the food delivery app.

The app made it easy by asking if he’d like to repeat his last order. ‘One large pizza with pepperoni, onions, mushrooms, and extra cheese. Plus twelve wings.’

Delivery time was estimated at 35 minutes with priority delivery.

He spent those 35 minutes pacing the kitchen, staring at the driver’s icon on the screen, inching closer to home.

He met the driver 100 metres before the house with his hoody pulled over his head, grabbed the bag without making eye contact and retreated with it to his backyard.

It was safe in the backyard, with its high walls. No one could see him—not his wife or his neighbours.

He sat on the ground and devoured the pizza and chicken wings with greedy, messy fingers.

When there were only two slices of pizza and three wings left, he leaned back against the wall and let out a contented sigh.

Back in the kitchen, he washed his hands with dish soap. Then he brushed his teeth in the sink with a spare toothbrush he kept hidden in the back of a drawer. 

The pizza box now lay buried deep inside his neighbour’s outside bin. 

He tiptoed back up and crept into bed.

Sleep came eventually, tangled with pizza burps and overwhelming shame.  

For those who have never experienced it, it may be easy to mistake or dismiss binge eating as a lack of willpower.

But the truth is more complicated. And far more human.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5) characterises binge eating disorders as recurring episodes of consuming more food than most people would in a short timeframe, often accompanied by feelings of loss of control and distress.

But it’s not just defined by food.

It’s also about the cycle it creates—the ritual of anticipation, compulsion to the act, the temporary relief it provides and the wave of regret that follows.

At the heart of it is a piercing sense of shame. Shame not just about the food, but also about the hiding, the secrecy and the inability to stop.

Unlike anorexia or bulimia, binge eating disorder doesn’t involve purging or severe restriction. But emotionally, it carries the same weight—shame, secrecy and the struggle to cope.

Neurologically, this pattern is rooted in the brain’s reward system.

The sneaking, hiding and planning activate the brain’s dopamine circuits and create an intense reward loop.

The ventral tegmental area (VTA) and nucleus accumbens, the core of the brain reward circuit, respond intensely to the anticipation of reward, especially when there is an added element of risk.

Doing something ‘forbidden’ raises the emotional stakes and triggers an even stronger dopamine surge.

The secrecy also creates an illusion of control and temporary relief.

Psychologically, it’s an attempt at regulating emotions. A way to manage anxiety, sadness, boredom or loneliness—felings that haven’t found a healthier outlet.

But the relief is short-lived and isolating because it exists in the shadows.

Carl Jung, a psychiatrist, called this the shadow self—the parts of ourselves we try to hide from others and even ourselves.

These hidden parts become emotionally tethered to who we are and shape our behaviour in ways we don’t always understand.

Steve’s binges were about a ritualised escape, intertwined with guilt, shame and nursing an emotional need.

To truly understand binge eating, we must look beyond the food. 

We must see the human beneath, the one trying to make sense of their pain, reaching for comfort in the only way they know how.

A note from the author:

This story was written to explore the psychological and neurological patterns beneath binge eating, something that many people carry quietly and often alone.

If anything in this piece resonated with you, or if you know someone struggling with binge eating or any form of disordered eating, please know that support is available. You are not alone. 

Consider reaching out to a therapist, counsellor or healthcare professional trained in this area, someone you trust.

For additional resources and guidance, visit:

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

References:

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edn) (DSM-5). APA, 2013.

Elison, J. (2005). Shame and guilt: A hundred years of apples and oranges. New Ideas in Psychology, 23(1), 5–32. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.newideapsych.2005.07.001

Jung, C. G., & Hull, R. F. C. (1957). The self. CrossCurrents, 7(3), 263-271.

O’Loghlen, E., Grant, S., & Galligan, R. (2021). Shame and binge eating pathology: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 29(1), 147–163. https://doi.org/10.1002/cpp.2615